Precious Pearls

Suffering Day 4 6 Songs of Suffering & 6 Songs of Soaring Signifying 6 years

May 24, 2023

“If Only People Really Knew”

“Truth Be Told” Matthew West

Once I resolved that I would praise God in the storm, I tried to keep my focus on Him.  I combatted physical, emotional, and spiritual struggles at such a deep level that I often felt like I didn’t know who I was.  In 2021 Matthew West released “Truth Be Told.”  Wow, did this song resonate with me!  I felt like the epitome of the first verse.

“Lie number one you’re supposed to have it all together
And when they ask how you’re doing
Just smile and tell them, ‘Never better’

Lie number 2 everybody’s life is perfect except yours
So keep your messes and your wounds
And your secrets safe with you behind closed doors”

I read my Bible; I prayed; I had faith that God will see me through.  There were times I felt so empty, but wasn’t I supposed to “have it all together”?  I know many people meant well, but sometimes it seemed like people just “needed” something to say.  This added to my anxiety and made me determined to keep things to myself.  The questions and the comments never seemed to cease. 

“Some people will do anything for attention.” 

“This will only change you if you let it.” 

“Racing and running don’t define you.” 

“I’m sure you’ll run again.” (Not stated by a doctor.) 

“God did this to slow you down.” 

“Did you have bunion surgery?” 

“Can you feel the screws in your ankle?” 

The worst was the one question that never stopped.  Once I was in a familiar place, it hit me from every direction.

“How’s the foot?” 

If you know someone struggling with a trial, my advice is to not ask, “How are you?” or “How is_____?”   It’s a loaded question that creates stress for someone dealing with varying levels of trauma.  One moment, I would feel fine and comfortable talking, but other times, I could feel anxiety-triggered PTSD creeping through my body. 

When someone asked, “How are you?” I often experienced micro-second battles.

“What do I say?”

“How much do I tell them?”

“Do they really care or are they just making conversation.” 

I hated this agonizing debate.  I resorted to Matthew’s lyrics.

“I say I’m fine, yeah I’m fine oh I’m fine, hey I’m fine but I’m not
I’m broken
And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control but it’s not”

 As months passed, I began to loath seeing people. 

After years of such experiences, my husband and I developed a keen awareness for people going through struggles.  We’ve adopted a primary goal— avoid asking how someone is doing.  Instead ask, “Is there anything you would like me to pray about?”  This allows the struggling person to control the conversation and share what they are comfortable expressing in the moment.  If the person is willing to share a lot, be willing to listen…just listen.  However, if the person does not feel comfortable sharing much, tell them you’ll continue praying, smile, offer other help (if you feel led), and either walk away or walk with them. 

Galatians 6:2 tells us

“Bear one another’s burdens…” 

Think about what that means.  Help the person.  Alleviate their load.  Don’t add to their burden by asking overwhelming questions or making random comments.  Knowing that someone is going through a trial does not entitle you to know every single detail surrounding the situation.  I say this with genuine love and kindness: please stop and read that again.

If you truly want to help, remember the axiom, “Truth be told; the truth is rarely told.” Be ready to bear the burden, because it is amazing how God can use people to encourage and support others. Philippians chapter 2 beautifully shows us how it is God’s design for people to help one another.  The first four verses state,

“Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy,

fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Verse 5 gives us the reason why we do this,

“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” 

If you are willing to be used by the Lord to help people struggling with trauma, be patient with them. 

Recognize that they may not be willing to share everything they are experiencing.  Remember, this is not about you. Set aside your agenda, even a good-intentioned agenda.

Put them first.

Focus on helping regardless of what it is–even if it’s not what you expected or planned. Even if you prefer that they respond differently. It may hurt your pride, your desire to minister, your longing to connect, or your longing to feel you’ve done something good.

Step aside.

Practice humility.

Selflessly love like Jesus would.